My Fault

Everyone has a stupid quality that just brings them down. I have always known what mine was, but it never hurt anyone, or so I thought. In the end I realized that it truly hurt me. It has severed friendships, buried feelings, and even caused countless nights of insomnia. Two little words are the center of my downfall... i'm sorry. You might think that I am egotistical and can't apologize, or perhaps I find myself above others and see no need to feel sorry. In fact it's just the opposite. I am too quick to forgive, and tend to apologize for things that aren't my fault in order to avoid confrontation. For too many years I have let people push me around, leave me out, blow me off, ignore me, or hurt me, and not done anything about it. Now here's the infuriating part: the people I care most about are taking advantage of my weakness. They are pushing me around, leaving me out, blowing me off, ignoring me, and hurting me because they know I wont be upset. But now I am feeling used, and the words "I'm sorry" I fear will never be heard by my ears. I feel like the world owes me one huge apology, but I wont get it because... it's my fault.

The Generation Gap

May is the month of death apparently.

last year in the month of may we lost a great uncle, followed by a great aunt, followed by yet another great uncle. This may we recently lost the last remaining great aunt in the family. It becomes clearer that the past is getting foggier as we loose the oldest members of the family. The generations get closer and closer to our own and everything important that needs to be passed on now becomes our responsibility. Weird. I fear the day when i am the oldest in my family, and everything i have done will be a thing of the past.